What did EURO 2016 teach us?

Now the curtain-raiser to the new football season has whimpered off into the dullest recesses of our memories, it’s time to reflect back on EURO 2016, and ponder a while over what it has taught us.

  1. It’s possible to finish 3rd in your Group without winning a match; and go on to win the tournament.
  2. Gareth Bale is in fact Shogun reincarnate (you’re not a teenager if you don’t have to Google ‘Shogun’).
  3. No one likes the Russian fans.
  4. The Irish will drink your bars dry…then change tyres on a car for a stranger, sing a lullaby to your child, and tidy up after themselves.
  5. Everyone loves the Irish.
  6. Everyone hates the Russians.
  7. A player can fail to make a single appearance in the tournament…but that won’t stop fans from making the most memorable song of the tournament about his (alleged) attacking prowess.
  8. The Welsh and English love each other really (when dealing with the Russians).
  9. Everyone hates the Russians.
  10. The Final really can be the dullest game of the tournament.
  11. Ronaldo may have a heart (or an acting career –  when he hangs up his boots), but the ‘Tears of a Clown’ still belong to Gazza.
  12. Millions of football fans are desperately trying to figure out how Iceland do ‘that clap’ so well (and are failing still).
  13. Everyone loves Iceland (not just good old Mum).
  14. Everyone hates the Russians.
  15. We must have missed the English team’s open-topped bus tour.
  16. Woy got it badly wong.
  17. Everyone loves a trier (maybe next time, England?)
  18. Everyone hates the Russians.
  19. Plastic chairs have a distinct lack of aerodynamic properties
  20. Harry Kane needs a guide to set pieces.
  21. Watching the Germans or the French lose never loses its appeal.
  22. English fans have a new hatred of the Welsh.
  23. The value of Sterling plummeted during the tournament.
  24. England have no Hart.
  25. ITV’s studio in Luxembourg enabled viewers to squint slightly, tilt their heads and just about see the Eiffel Tower.

Anyone fancy a trip to Russia for the World Cup?

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